Battling indecision

I hate making decisions. Whether it’s something small, like what to wear or what to eat that day, or something big, like where to move or what jobs to apply to, I often feel frozen in indecision. I don’t think I’m alone in this, as we live in a world that offers nearly limitless options for every decision imaginable.

This was something that struck me in my time overseas, and has felt overwhelming coming back to America. For example, in Central Asia, it was common to have maybe one or two varieties of one product, whereas in America, there are often aisles and aisles of the same product, with tiny variations. In Central Asia, there was not much room for social, educational, or environmental variation, and traditionally, most people would stay in the same physical location and held similar jobs as the rest of their family before them. Yet in America, there are hundreds of jobs or colleges to apply to, multiple apartments or houses to rent, countless clubs or social groups to join, and with modern dating apps, even romantic prospects feel limitless. I’m not saying that one culture is better or worse than the other, but I am noting that both cultures come with very different adjacent complications, and for many Westerners, myself at the top of the list, decisiveness can be a massive difficulty.

This past year, I anticipated having to make many big decisions, as this is my first year out of college, and in the “real world”. I knew that I would need wisdom and discernment to make these huge decisions about my life direction, so I decided to read the book of Proverbs twelve times this year, once per month, in an effort to gain as much Biblical insight on wise living as possible. In doing so, I have been able to receive new perspectives on what applied wisdom looks like. In practice, I have also realized that often, choosing the wise option is not as exciting as some alternatives and the decision process itself can take a lot more time and energy.

In my readings of Proverbs so far, a few things have stood out to me as wise decision making habits: seeking wise counsel, considering before committing, searching diligently for wisdom, and trusting His direction, even if I don’t understand.

First, Solomon insists on seeking wise counsel when making decisions (Prov. 1:5, 1:8, 11:14, 12:15, 13:10, 13:20, 15:33, 18:1-2, 22:17-18). I sometimes struggle with this as a single woman, and wrestle with jealousy when I see married couples who can make hard decisions together. I often wish I had a significant other to consult in big decisions, who could help provide structure and direction in my life. At the same time, I am choosing to be thankful for the absence of this type of relationship in this season, because it pushes me to intentionally seek out the advice of my parents, mentors, and close friends. I am so blessed by the wisdom and counsel of those around me, and I am thankful that I can practice making big life decisions on my own before I get married someday, so I can cultivate a wise decision-making process to use for the rest of my life.

Next, Solomon advises to consider your decision before committing (Prov. 4:26-27, 19:2, 31:16). I saw this particularly in Proverbs 31:16, which says “She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.” When you think about it, buying a field and deciding to plant a vineyard is a big decision! It is not only a financial investment, it also requires a consideration of local permanence and available resources to follow through with the decision, such as the physical time and energy this investment will require. When considering decisions then, I have found it very helpful to gather the necessary contextual information to make an informed decision. This requires some research, but is very beneficial. I also found it helpful to trace out my decision, following different choices down the road of the foreseeable future, and considering potential outcomes.

Third, when seeking wisdom in decision making, it is essential to search diligently for this wisdom (Prov. 2:3, 8:1-3, 8:17, 8:34, 23:19, 24:13-14, 25:2, 28:26). Early in Proverbs, Solomon lays out a conditional promise: if you seek wisdom, then you will find understanding and the fear of God (2:3-5). I have found great comfort in these verses, as I cling to the promise that if I am faithful to cry out for wisdom, then God will be faithful to provide it in His timing.

This leads into the last point: trusting God to direct my path, even if I don’t fully understand (Prov. 3:5-6, 4:11-12, 14:12, 16:3,9,20,25,33, 19:21, 20:24, 21:2). Since intentionally seeking a wiser lifestyle, I have had to make quite a few big life decisions, and to be completely honest, the wiser choice is often the choice I don’t want to make. Choosing wisely sometimes means listening to advice that I don’t want to hear. Sometimes it means denying my temporary desires so I can take steps towards my long term goals. I have also had to remind myself that wisdom is defined as the fear of God (Prov. 1:7), not the fear of man, so sometimes Biblical wisdom will look foolish to the rest of the world. This is where it becomes essential to trust the Lord, to trust that His ways are higher than mine, that His path is trustworthy, even if it doesn’t make sense to me with my limited, human perspective.