Cambodia

After spending a long, hot, hard month in Cambodia, I sat on my bed staring at the reflection question: “What was your biggest testimony from Cambodia?” I stared blankly at the question, fighting the frustration that was rising within me. I was angry because I felt like even after a month in this long-awaited country, I was coming back empty handed. I didn’t have some crazy testimony or story about this nation. I didn’t solve any problems, and I doubted that I even had an impact on this nation. Was my time here worth it?

Before coming to Cambodia, the Lord had laid this country heavy on my heart. About a year ago, I watched a documentary called “Nefarious; Merchant of Souls” about human trafficking. In this video, various parts of the world were described, including Southeast Asia and Cambodia. If you haven’t seen it, I would highly recommend watching it because it opened my eyes to the horrors that occur in this part of the world. Because of this video, my heart broke for Cambodia, and I have been praying for this nation ever since. When I found out that my team was going to Cambodia for outreach, I immediately broke down into tears, knowing that my prayers for an opportunity to go serve this country were being answered.

Heading into this trip, I was very expectant that the Lord was going to move in and through me. I was eager to see this nation, and so excited to get to know and serve the Khmer people. I anticipated a “call” from the Lord to serve long-term in this country, and couldn’t wait to find some clarity and affirmation in my life plans.You can imagine my surprise then, when I struggled to connect with the Lord when we touched ground in Cambodia. Only a week into the trip, I was feeling burnt out and exhausted. Shortly after, physical symptoms followed my emotional state, and I ended up in the hospital with typhoid fever. I had to spend two weeks, half of my time here in Cambodia, in bed sick, and I was crushed. Why would God speak so clearly to me about this nation, and then when I finally get here, bench me?

One of our ministry contacts in Cambodia said something very powerful that helped address this question. He said: “If we don’t learn our lesson the first time, God has no problem repeating the test until we learn the lesson.” (just look at the Israelites!) I realized that in this season, God wanted to (re)teach me an important lesson: I. Am. Not. God. I am not the solution to human trafficking. I am not the savior of Cambodia. I am a human, with both physical and emotional limits. I am reminded once again that testimonies are not stories about my own power and ability. They are stories about how God is faithful, how He is powerful to move in our lives.

I wrote in my journal while in the hospital: “I know that I can trust the testimony that You give me—even if it’s watching my IV drip, and not getting to rescue exploited women. I want to be content with Your presence.” So my testimony from Cambodia is less exciting and dramatic than I expected, but it is no less powerful in my life. I am thankful for the small and faithful ways God revealed Himself to me in Cambodia as my Healer, as my proud Father, as my Guide, as my Caretaker.

I am also so thankful for the love of the Khmer people that I was able to receive. Instead of me coming to serve them, I was the one being served and loved! I have never experienced such love and hospitality like from my new Khmer family. While I was sick, my ministry contacts texted me every day to see how I was doing. They often came to visit me, bringing foods that they knew were safe for my fragile stomach to eat. They loved me so well, and it was incredibly humbling for me to receive the love and service of people that I had so badly wanted to help. The believers that I connected with encouraged me in countless ways, never making me feel guilty for being sick. They were so thankful that I had come to Cambodia, even if I didn’t have much to offer during my time there. I have been consistently blown away by the hospitality, generosity, and love of the believers I’ve met in Southeast Asia. I have been convicted of my own individualistic mentality, my selfishness, and my pride. As I prepare to return to America within a few weeks, I hope to bring back aspects of the relational cultures I’ve gotten to encounter here. I want to become more hospitable, more welcoming and inviting, and more generous like my loving Khmer family exemplified. Before I left for Cambodia, I took some time to fast and pray over the nation, asking the Lord what His plan was for me during my month there. He told me that this would be a time to “taste and see” and it truly has been. I have tasted and seen His unconditional love, even when my anxious heart longs to perform and prove myself. I have tasted and seen the kindness and love of a community that reminds me of the early church, where they had all things in common and loved and served eachother so well.

So in Cambodia, my testimony is a testimony of the unconditional love of the Father, who loves me regardless of what I can do, or what I can offer Him, and its a testimony of His global church body that is often used to be the agents of that unconditional love.