Dignity admist insecurity

One of the biggest, longest battles I have faced in life is my fight with insecurity for my own dignity. Insecurity is that flushed feeling of being exposed and vulnerable, and the following instinct to run and hide in self preservation. Over the years, my sources of insecurity have changed, and while I have indeed found some freedom and growth in this area, it is a continual battle. Initially, my insecurities rose up around fairly innocent things like how tall I was or how my braces looked, or if I made that last basket in my basketball game. As I grew up, the insecurities grew up with me and became deeper, digging into my identity and attacking who I was at my core. Like Satan’s question to Eve in the garden, he asked me: “Did God really say…that Alyssa has been made enough for her friends and family, for a romantic partner, and ultimately for Himself?”

Growing up in a Christian household, I knew what I was supposed to do: turn to Scripture to see what God says about me to combat insecurity. I remember reading Proverbs 31 as my roadmap to becoming “enough” as a woman; yet I read it as prescriptive, not descriptive. Verse 25 is one of those cliche band-aid verses that is often slapped onto the problem of female insecurity that reads: “She is clothed with strength and dignity, she laughs without fear of the future.”

It can be easy to read that familiar verse and move on with your day. But the more I study Proverbs 31, the more I am learning about what a truly strong and dignified woman looks like. While reading “So Long Insecurity” by Beth Moore, my attention was drawn to the fact that this woman is clothed with strength and dignity. Like He covered Eve’s shame in the garden with an animal’s skin, God also clothes us with strength and dignity, preserving our security with something that can’t be stolen. This isn’t something we have to earn or fight to keep, it is a gift—His robe of righteousness that covers us in our most vulnerable and insecure moments.

Even so, I often choose one of my own poorly crafted robes to cover up instead. I call my garments “confidence” or “self-respect,” rather than trusting the inherent strength and dignity and beauty that He has woven into my DNA. When it comes to romantic relationships, I am quick to add even more layers of protection, making sure to bundle up with guardedness and intentional apathy. In this, it’s easy to begin viewing a significant other as a simple accessory to an outfit of self-worth and self-confidence. Accessories aren’t needed, but can add to one’s overall image.

Because of this, I was often more interested in being pursued than in being an equally vulnerable partner in a relationship. I had learned in purity culture that it was the man’s job to pursue the woman romantically, and if he didn’t do that well, it threatened a woman’s precarious dignity. I hear so many podcasts and college ministries encouraging young men to be courageous and pursue girls, but they never talk about how scary it can be for a woman to be pursued! At any moment, a boy can change his mind and decide to stop pursuing her, and she can be left exposed, with her perceived dignity stolen, wondering why she wasn’t enough, why she wasn’t considered worthy of continued pursuit.

As I sought a Biblical perspective on this perceived dilemma, the Lord revealed a few things to me. First, a woman’s dignity can not be stolen from her, by anyone. Not a boy, not a friend, not even the devil with his lies. As His children and as His bride, we are permanently clothed in robes of righteousness, strength, and inherent dignity. The Lord also showed me that He created women to respond to pursuit and even initiate in relationships, and this does not compromise their dignity. Both Proverbs 31 and Song of Solomon feature strong female leaders who are not afraid to initiate, to work hard, to chase after what they want. I remember reading the Song of Solomon and being shocked at the boldness of the woman. The book even begins with her speaking first, not the man! Yet this woman, and the woman described in Proverbs 31, have incredible dignity amidst their perceived vulnerability.

In this, there is safety to shed the extra layers of intentional apathy and guardedness in an effort to protect and preserve our dignity. We have the freedom to proudly wear the priceless robes of righteousness, strength, and dignity that our Creator purchased at His own expense!