What's your Nineveh?

In the past 9 months, I’ve been to 3 continents, 5 countries, 18 cities, and 10 villages. Needless to say, this has been a year of travel and motion, and this isn’t really new to me. For as long as I can remember, I have always loved adventure and exploring, and I rarely stay in one place very long. I remember when one of my best friends called me “nomadic” and I finally felt like I had a word for the restless nature I identified with. I really enjoyed being known for my traveling. I loved feeling independent, free, and unattached. Yet despite the thrill of constantly moving, there was a deep desire (and fear) in my heart for putting down roots and for everything that comes with that: being deeply known, having a greater potential for intimacy, commitment, stability, and so on.

Last week I had the pleasure of being in Colorado (one of the many locations I’ve traveled to in the last few months), to shadow a church to see if this was where the Lord was calling me for the next few years. I decided to stay in Colorado for a few days after the interview to seek silence and solitude in the mountains, as moving 13 hours away to do support-raised ministry full-time is a big decision and I desperately wanted to hear the Lord’s voice concerning my next move. I went on a long hike one day and when I reached the summit, I sat down and asked the Lord to speak clearly to me.

As I sat under a tree, I noticed how thankful I was for the shade during the hot day, and immediately, a thought popped into my head: “Jonah”. I remembered how God had sent a small tree branch to shade Jonah as he sat and waited for God to judge Nineveh. I had always read the story of Jonah from the lense of a reluctant missionary: God called Jonah to go somewhere, and he ran the opposite direction. When seeking to apply the story to my life, I always questioned if I was running from something. I would ask myself, “What’s my Nineveh? What am I running from?”

In this instance, I realized there is a second, perhaps deeper question that the story of Jonah evokes: “What do I pronounce judgment on, that God wants to show mercy to?” In the story of Jonah, he believed that he was a better judge than God. He knew that God was gracious and merciful, and didn’t think Nineveh was worthy of that, so he ran. He would rather run and hide than watch God show mercy and grace to a place Jonah saw as undeserving.

Like Jonah, I often want to be my own judge, declaring what is and isn’t worthy of God's grace and redemption. For me, this was the sense of putting down deep relational and locational roots. My “Nineveh”, that I felt was unworthy of God’s mercy and blessing, was the desire to commit to consistency and stability, to enter into a long term community where I could be deeply known and loved, and where I could deeply know and love others. To me, it felt easier and safer to run like Jonah, to pronounce judgment on myself and constantly be on the move physically and emotionally, rather than facing the reality that God is a gracious God, and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love (Jonah 4:2).

This is often the reason why we run, isn't it? Because we feel as if we are unworthy, and we as humans have a tendency to run and hide when we feel unworthy (check out Genesis 3:8, it sets the pattern). Here I sat, on top of a mountain, under a branch like Jonah, awaiting judgment that was never intended to come. I realized that instead, God was offering grace and mercy to my “Nineveh”. He was saying that I was worthy of putting down roots, I didn’t need to run, I didn't need to be my own judge.

So I ask you to join me in taking a second look at Jonah’s story, this time asking yourself what your “Nineveh” is. What area of your life (or someone else’s) do you feel is worthy of judgment? Where would you rather run than face the reality that God, as the perfect Judge, is willing to offer mercy and grace to you in that specific place that you feel is unworthy? What would it look like to sit on a hypothetical mountain top, and watch that grace—not the condemnation that you think is coming—pour out on that specific area of your life?

P.S. I did end up accepting the job, and I plan on moving to Fort Collins next month!